Danielle Speaks

I had a thought

It happens. I was thinking about how Dubai is now the Las Vegas of the Middle East and how slowly but surely other places are becoming westernized not just because of the "war against terror" but because many leaders are having the foresight to understand that soon oil will no longer be a viable source of income for their country. Now don't get me wrong- plenty leaders will let their people starve. But I find it interesting that tourism is postulated as the new income in the Middle East. Many places are trying desperately hard to lure travelers and it would seem that the usual route is occurring- first the lone scraggly European here and there, and a few Australians because they go EVERYWHERE. Soon Americans will follow. Dubai, Qatar and others will be the new Thailand.  Recently Asia had its own form of Olympics at Qatar. And so my thought was that the thing that will bring peace to the Middle East is not any Western country's military actions or any agreement on the table but the power of the mighty dollar. MONEY will perhaps be the greatest motivator of peace.  That was my thought. Thank you and good night.

Ok its time...

So I was fired about two weeks ago. It was most definitely not a shock. It was the most mutual of break ups one could ever experience. My manager started to tear as it was time for him to tell me and I saved him from speaking the words. I told him that I knew what was coming and that it was great news, that it was time this bad saga ended and that I was excited to do something with my life where I was respected, appreciated and in an environment conducive to what I do well.

What I do well. Thats the big question. Its now been a week since I have been home. On top of the regular discontentment of the event- i ended up having a terrible cough and cold. Every day my body would expel noxious poison. I envisioned my first week "off" as a celebration of the daytime:  10am yoga, tea and healthy breakfast in my sparklingly clean apartment, followed by several hours of brilliant writing sired by the peace of mind I finally must have obtained by being freed of the viacom shackles that were binding my soul. Then of course a  bundled up afternoon walk where in a Mary Tyler Moore frenzy I would throw my hat up in the air and pound my chest as I chanted FREE AT LAST, GOOD G-D ALMIGHTY, FREE AT LAST.
Thats not exactly how it was. I'll spare you the boring details, key word: "boring." There is all this residual emotion creeping out from underneath the surface and its not quite depressing or heavy, I am fine but this stuff begs my attention and I am frustrated because I don't have the answers. I feel as if I am back at square one. I thought by age 31 I would not have to ask my self what I wanted to be when I grow up. But the question still stands and bills need to be paid, the batons of security: savings, pensions, health insurance, all cry for my attention and my brain most of all needs a plan. I will just admit that aside from a few money making ideas I have none.

Here is what I do know. I don't want to work in an office. I don't want to climb the ranks. I don't want to do any job where the most important trait to survive is organization- I am not management freak. I don't want to really be anyone else's boss. I want to work for myself. I want to work on something, I want to watch it grow, change, get better or move on.  To some degree I realize that I will have to deal with some or all of these elements but if I consciously chose not to, perhaps I can evade some of them. Thats all for now. Happy Friday people- I think this might be a sunny weekend!