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Danielle,
Restless feelings may have you speaking with blunt honesty that shocks
those who know you best. What you're really seeking is mental
stimulation, so your patience with intellectual slowpokes is gone.
Temper words this weekend to keep from burning those who might love you.
Today I walked into my apartment to find two things in the downstairs stairwell
1. A little pink button that read "my imaginary boyfriend loves me!"
[And you know what? he really does!]
2. A postcard from a friend in India that has the Dalai Lama's famous poem:
The Paradox Of Our Age
We have bigger houses
but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense;
more knowledge but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness.
we’ve been all the way to
the moon and back, but have trouble
crossing the street to meet
the new neighbour.
We built more computers to hold more
copies than ever,
but have less communication;
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods
but slow digestion;
tall man but short characters;
steep profits but shallow relationships.
It’s a time when there is much in window
But nothing in the room.
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.
I wrote my friend immediately to thank her for her message all the way from Kangra India where she is building houses for Tibetan Refugees! I told her how this morning when I woke up the Dancing shiva mandala that had been hanging over my bedroom archway for two yrs had finally fallen and I slipped on its shiny coated surface as I awoke this morning. When I landed I found a small piece of paper I wrote to myself that had travelled its way to the safe dark hallows of the dust bunny land under my bed: it read stop being the "yes...but" girl and no longer look gift horses in the mouth. My LPP called me the "yes...but girl once because I could take anything that happened to me, of my own action or simply fortuitously and rationalize its goodness away. Therefore I was looking at the gift horses of my life in the mouth- tearing down their legitimacy until they no longer could exist. I had landed on my chin and it hurt so bad I really wanted to cry! I thought about who the girl was that bought the mandala in a market for mere pennies in Mumbai (Bombay) so many yrs ago. When I left the house to run errands I felt strange- somewhat euphoric and panicked- I knew my time at floundering was up and I was swept with such a wave of profound relief and fear that I could not look anyone in the eye for fear they might think I was crazy. I imagined that my mouth was grinning but that my eyes were glazed. I felt sad that I had not the werewithal to have gone to Kangra to build houses or anything anymore for that matter. I admit it- I have been in remision in my life for quite a while now. I made some calls. Sent some resumes and typed some transcripts for money. Time is changing finally - I can crawl out of the vacuum now- and the only thing I can say is - without anything really to tanglibly say thanks for is- Thank You Universe.
Thats all I can share with you without connectiing the dots- just that somedays - signs find you. Today I found three.
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