I am as they say- PMSing! Yup that's right- I wrote that down on the blog- it exists and I am probably somehow bringing down women everywhere by drawing attention to this affliction that plagues my gender. It starts out slyly- every month it takes you by surprise- sometimes its easy to figure out as its physical and therefore tangible- you can take a pill, sleep, lie down, complain, take a bath. Sometimes its the most lurking deep paranoid filled insecurity to ever encompass one normal human being's existence. Seriously! Everything somehow relates to me- I can't just appreciate anything- I see it as better than me, or something I don't have, or something I can't do. I am the center of a universe where everything is connected to me by this centriphical force that holds all the dangling glittery bling of others in front of my face. Noises are too loud. Smells are invasive the ring of the phone is a personal diatribe against me. I can't look at a mirror! My nose looks like the wicked witch of the west to me and my thighs look like sausages. When other people laugh together- all I see is that they're not laughing with me. I crave ridiculously rich sweets that do NOT mix well with all the vegetables and tofu I OD on to counter the binge. I feel sick right after and feel a dull ache in my belly for the rest of the day. I ponder my own existence and halt with dread filled anxiety as I ponder what I need to do to make things happen- and so I do nothing because I am completely paralyzed by fear. Every time anyone pays me a compliment - I think they are patronizing me. My apartment is in a viscous cycle of pig sty! I am a hormonal mess- My mental health wains. I am a blurried haze of incongruous thoughts circling around a teetering physique as I mosie to and from home. But I have the blog and so I write on it.
There is no cure! I wish I could talk more precisely about this- but I can't - I can't talk about work, or crushes or anything else- I don't care about whats going on in the world and its not all that interesting that I had a big cupcake to go with my spinich and tofu. Lets just say my good attitude as of late is taking the week off- friends- bare with me!
I was going to write about Maureen Dowd and Charlie Rose- nah!
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