Danielle Speaks

This is Funny!

My New York Age Concerns me!- Now it says 19!

My New York age is 19

This New York age puts you-generally speaking-into the young category. That's what you were hoping for, right? Run and tell your friends. Then get drunk (as usual). Then sleep it off. Then pop an Adderall. Then come back and consider experimenting with a more mature type of New York life (just once in a while). Have you ever been to the Village Vanguard or the Living Theatre? Eaten at Elaine's? Taken a date to Michael Feinstein? Before you laugh, check 'em out and see what old-school NYC experiences you can add to the new.

Does your age reflect how you're living? Let us know.

What's your New York age? Take the Time Out New York quiz and find out!

Hormones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am as they say- PMSing! Yup that's right- I wrote that down on the blog- it exists and I am probably somehow bringing down women everywhere by drawing attention to this affliction that plagues my gender.  It starts out slyly- every month it takes you by surprise- sometimes its easy to figure out as its physical and therefore tangible- you can take a pill, sleep, lie down, complain, take a bath. Sometimes its the most lurking deep paranoid filled insecurity to ever encompass one normal human being's existence. Seriously! Everything somehow relates to me- I can't just appreciate anything- I see it as better than me, or something I don't have, or something I can't do. I am the center of a universe where everything is connected to me by this centriphical force that holds all the dangling glittery bling of others in front of my face. Noises are too loud. Smells are invasive the ring of the phone is a personal diatribe against me. I can't look at a mirror! My nose looks like the wicked witch of the west to me and my thighs look like sausages. When other people laugh together- all I see is that they're not laughing with me. I crave ridiculously rich sweets that do NOT mix well with all the vegetables and tofu I OD on to counter the binge. I feel sick right after and feel a dull ache in my belly for the rest of the day. I ponder my own existence and halt with dread filled anxiety as I ponder what I need to do to make things happen- and so I do nothing because I am completely paralyzed by fear.  Every time anyone pays me a compliment - I think they are patronizing me.  My apartment is in a viscous cycle of pig sty! I am a hormonal mess- My mental health wains. I am a blurried haze of incongruous thoughts circling around a teetering physique as I mosie to and from home. But I have the blog and so I write on it.

There is no cure! I wish I could talk more precisely about this- but I can't - I can't talk about work, or crushes or anything else- I don't care about whats going on in the world and its not all that interesting that I had a big cupcake to go with my spinich and tofu. Lets just say my good attitude as of late is taking the week off- friends- bare with me!

I was going to write about Maureen Dowd and Charlie Rose- nah!

House Frau

Katie Kate Holmes-Cruise is now going to retire from her acting career to be a stay at home mom. Rumor has it that before the marriage takes place there is to be a pre-nup signed guaranteeing she and her unborn dianetic spawn a future filled with millions should the stepford couple ever break up! Sharon Tate Kate Holmes is said to be turning down the most pivotal moment of her career where the most promising roles are starting to turn out for the

Dumb Ass. I'm not even concerned anymore- I just want her to go away.

Oh and here is a bonus story about MJ being found in a a women's bathroom IN DRAG in Bahrain- what the F$%^#K is he doing in Bahrain?????? Read it- its a doozie

Jesse and Mom B.F.F.

My mom went to a conference in Atlanta where she brought her students to compete in a research project contest. Anyway my little Jewish mom met Jesse in the elevator and they continued on together to sit down and have coffee and a nosh in the hotel restaurant. Jesse was buying! Hilarious- I have nothing else to say. Oh except that she told me this the day she and I went to see A Soldier's Story- it was our Black Pride day.