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    October 17, 2006

    Update

    After my sweet boss JJ sent me home at 3pm yesterday I went to sleep.  This was extrememly helpful. Yesterday I realized that lay people should not google. The symptoms I read about and the treatments I read about were for extreme cases. So no surgery is in site for me- pheww. However I did feel the strange sensation of my stomach slowly ascending back into its rightful place inside.  I really wish I did not have to take meds- I wish I could tell you that I am feeling a little bit better because I went to an acupuncturist but no- I have been downing two pills a day and slowly my abdomen releases the tight clench it has on me- once again apologies for whining about health issues on the blog but- its hard not to think about a stomach ache when it occurs.

    In other news I am getting to produce a red carpet shoot tonight with Kanye West,  the Strokes, GoldFrapp and DJ Carl Cox.  I am just happy that I not dieing but I do wish that I was feeling %100

    October 16, 2006

    The Saga that is my stomach

    I am sorry for this post but I am not feeling well and I need to write about this as I am at work and I have to do something in order to resist the offer to just go home and go to bed. If you are sensitive about sickness - do not read. (don't worry there are not bodily functions mentioned or anything like that!)

    I have been sick for three days. It happens all of the sudden like a knife to the ribs and it does not let go for days sometimes weeks. I can calm myself down by reminding myself that it comes the week before my period- that my body is just crowded with fluids and therefore sensitive. But each month that I get away with no pain I barely exhale for fear of it and each month that it does come I can not leave my bed. I am the most surly person on the planet for it. It starts as just a down right piercing pain behind my ribs and then after pumping me up on proton inhibitors, phenobarbital alkaloids and Tums it quiets down to a loll that I can sort of handle while lying very still propped up on pillows and watching bad TV or reading. It goes from my front to my back. There is no position to lie in. There is no reprieve. It hurts to sit up straight and it hurts to haunch.

    This is day three. Now added to all this is that my Doctor is my father and he is a GI specialist.  But it is hard for us to be completely one relationship or the other- when discussing my pain, am I his daughter whining for comfort, or am I his patient asking for treatment? I am never entirely convinced that he has it straight either and although my mother, myself, my sister, all of Staten Island, and half of Brooklyn think my Dad is a genius at what he does- it never feels like we (mom, Sanj and me) are getting THAT doctor.  Instead we are getting the watered down by emotion hard to talk to doctor who takes it personally when you don't heal. The major issue is verbal communications and overproduction of brain activity. I will tell him what is wrong and he will say what he thinks I have, then i will ask him what he thinks the symptoms are that I have and he will reiterate something entirely different from what I think I said. I will yell for not being treated as thoroughly as a patient, and he will yell for not being respected as the father and the doctor he deserves to be treated as. And then my stomach starts to hurt worse.

    He thinks I have a hiatal Hernia- this is pretty serious. Its when the stomach starts to move upward and press through the hiatus ( a lining made of thin tissue) up into the esophagus. It causes major pressure in the body because it is right beneath your ribs and you can imagine this is quite the crowded area.

    Hiatal

    This also causes GURD:

    Gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GURD, occurs when the lower esophageal sphincter (LES) does not close properly and stomach contents leak back, or reflux, into the esophagus. The LES is a ring of muscle at the bottom of the esophagus that acts like a valve between the esophagus and stomach. The esophagus carries food from the mouth to the stomach.

    When refluxed stomach acid touches the lining of the esophagus, it causes a burning sensation in the chest or throat called heartburn. The fluid may even be tasted in the back of the mouth, and this is called acid indigestion. Occasional heartburn is common but does not necessarily mean one has GURD. Heartburn that occurs more than twice a week may be considered GURD, and it can eventually lead to more serious health problems.

    I think I have a peptic ulcer and I will admit that in lieu of a medical degree, a residency, an internship and 46 years of practicing I use GOOGLE. When I googled my "condition" I learned that the only treatment to this was surgery- although one site did say the meds that I was on does treat it. Often the sites would discuss that an untreated Hiatal Hernia could lead to eruption and death. This made my pains double.

    So when I plugged in what I thought was my symptoms it came up with: (after the jump)

    Continue reading "The Saga that is my stomach" »

    September 14, 2006

    My absolute favorite news item EVER!

    Anorexia

    MADRID, Spain (Reuters) -- The world's first ban on overly thin models at a top-level fashion show in Madrid has caused outrage among modeling agencies and raised the prospect of restrictions at other venues.

    Madrid's fashion week has turned away underweight models after protests that girls and young women were trying to copy their rail-thin looks and developing eating disorders.

    Organizers say they want to project an image of beauty and health, rather than a waif-like, or heroin chic look.

    The council used the BMI index to gage who could go in and who could not. They turned down 30% of the models in the show and are inspiring other major fashion cities like Rome and Milan to follow the example.  Soon voluptuous will be the new black and I for one am damn proud of Madrid's Regional government for taking a stand against forced notions of beauty and being brave enough to insist upon healthy bodies.  What I love most about this story is the obnoxious reply Elite Modeling agency had in regards to the action taken against their models.  They replied that Spain was not a major country for fashion and that this discrimination against their naturally "gazelle" like models would not be tolerated anywhere else. The next day the mayor of Rome said that he would like the same system to be adopted at their fashion week! Exxxxxxxxxxxxxcellent!

    June 23, 2006

    F.A.T Feminine Anxt Tempestuousness

    Fat_1

    I am fat. If Fat means not thin- that's me. I am not thin! Lately I feel down right chunky.  I use to be HUGE. Then I was skinny- really skinny. Now? Well... in my mind I could lost easily 20 lbs. That's a lot. in reality it should just be 15. But who cares about reality when scouring your ego till it bleeds from self flagellating fantasies of supermodel like body images float in your head like thunderclouds. But this issue is boring! I know. So lets discuss something less trivial and more to the point- I binge.

    There are innumerable addictions and vices in the world. My personal one is food. When I am upset I binge- it's not totally Kimberly Drummond style. It's more like I eat more than is necessary to the place of feeling ill. I finish whole plates of food that normally would feed me for the day.  It was such a problem at one time in my life that as many of you know it brought me to the place of morbid obesity.  My hunger becomes a beast.  In high school I use to try to purge. I just could not get that gag reflex going. My best friend could. She tried to teach me tricks. Like taping long wise a bunch of q-tips to create a long rod to tickle my throat until it happened. It never did, and i just couldn't get passionate enough about the activity to push it. Besides I think I knew that if i went down that road- there would be no coming back- I'd die- I'm sure of it. That's was 15yrs ago. I'd being fibbing if I said it never came up again- the thought has crossed my mind- but again- I just could not be after school specialesque about it all. I'd rather live with the full belly and heart full of food guilt than be a puker!!! Its just gross.

    Now I have been in "unhealthy mode" for my usual ten days in lieu of the onset of my monthly ovarian enemy.  This pisses me off. It is because I am fairly learned in various areas of health and diet. I even trained to be a yoga teacher at one time. My body was a machine. I ate like a health nut. I could cook macrobiotically for the rest of my life if you stuck a gun to my head- although the macro-gas might be my defense out of that one.  But now its as if I am punishing myself for not being that person. During those moments of binging I can actually see myself outside of myself and am aware- I am binging right now. 

    Ang0097l

    Don't get me wrong here! I love food! I am not so serious and obtuse to not see the great joy of overindulging and then platzing on the couch slowly deflating while watching Flashdance for the 200th time...crying at the end! Only at this point I don't know if i am crying over her unattainable thighs or Michael Norri's roses.

    Cutecouple_1

    You see I know enough to know that I could be assuaging this physical blaaaaaaaaah by going to Yoga or running for an hour. I could drink a gallon of beet/carrot/celery juice and fight off hunger, sugar cravings and bloat. I could do a carb fast and eliminate the desire for bad foods. I could stand on my head every time the hunger beast came- or down three glasses of water and float from the kitchen.  I don't. Ii stew in my own PMS disaster and hope that the collateral damage this month will clear up within a couple of weeks.

    Giulia, a great blogger BTW, said something really interesting to me the other day: she said that people who overeat are not necessarily eating the food for love or comfort like many experts claim, [It's not the consistency or the chemistry of the event], its more a tunnel to put your anger or frustration towards. For instance, you get into a fight with someone and you are mad at them, so you go eat a tub of ice cream. Now you are mad at yourself. The personal injury you just inflicted allows you to turn your rage onto to an old friend you know well and who secretly you think can take it = inner you. Inner Danielle is quite the martyr. She can take a whole heap-load of crap.  But what if the person you started out being mad at is you? Well then its extra punishment time.  IE: because I am not living at the level of success and happiness that I "should" be at, Miss loser, well then I must sit in stagnant bloated shame for the next two weeks. I am aware that I have complicated hormones that seem to cement my worst insecurities and tendencies and give fuel to the lambasting monster within, but I refuse to just blame it all on PMS. Its like blaming the rain for a psychotic episode, sure the glum weather did not exactly lift the spirits, but you had it in you to begin with.  So I revise my first sentence. i think what i am addicted to is torture.  But I don't want to be formless and soft and slovenly.  I want to be strong and muscular and alive. I reached that place once- why is it so damn hard to get back?   Why must i feel old when I was just starting to know what my youth had to offer? And  this goes for everything. I feel like I would know how to lead my life better if I was not sorry worried about what to do with my life.  Anyhow.

    Beebsdoll

    I found this earlier this month- its a voodoo doll and its called "beebsdoll" AHHHHHHHH!

    Earlier angry female rant after the jump.

    Continue reading "F.A.T Feminine Anxt Tempestuousness" »