Danielle Speaks

Proclivities

The power of habit

You may know me.

I’m your constant business companion.

I’m your greatest helper; I’m your heaviest burden.

I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.

I am at your command.

Half the tasks you do might as well be turned over to me.

I’m able to do them quickly, and I’m able to do them the same way every time if that’s what you want.

I’m easily managed, all you’ve got to do is be firm with me.

Show me exactly how you want it done; after a few lessons I’ll do it automatically.

I am the servant of all great men and women; of course, servant of the failures as well.

I’ve made all the great individuals who have ever been great.

And I have made all the failures as well.

But I work with all the precision of a marvelous computer with the intelligence of a human being.

You may run me for business profit, or you may run me to ruin; it makes no difference to me.

Take me. Be easy with me and I will destroy your business.

Be firm with me and I’ll put the world at your feet.

Who am I? I’m Habit!!

Embracing the inner freak in the schoolyard.

Moving log: 6 weeks in the golden state. Grade for move so far is still a 5. Why? Because the endless array of calamaty continues but I can still approach/attack it with humour and strength and therefore can still see that it is indeed all worth something. As my days grow more habitual I begin to see the deeper meaning  behind it all here and deal with the fact that I just don't really know myself as well as I thought. This comes out when I realize that I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable with being the new person.  As I talk to folks I am learning that I am not everyman's Danielle. Instead I am an aqquired taste. I use to think i could get along with anyone and that I could make friends anywhere. I patted myself on the back for being easy going, mutable almost to a fault. But as my universal trust in others gives way to a more strained and exhausting social training course I realize that I need to develop even more acumen in these departments. I can not rest on my laurels if all my success as a social being was all too close to the nest.  Last night I met some prospective contacts and friends and I felt crippled by being the annoying desperate new friend. I am obsessed with not being that person. I don't know how to read what LA peeps want. Everyone wants a piece of everyone here. Everyone represents some small step upwards in their ascendency to the hierarchy. Because of this even the most genuine people have to tread carefully not to burn a bridge or lose a connection. So you are both predator and prey at all given moments.  I suppose one could embrace the game or challenge- after all I came out here to learn and succeed and if these are the rules then so  be it. But I don't like not being able to read people.   I experienced this shift in my inner plate techtonics when I lost weight. After going from a morbitly obese person to a "thin" person i had to reassign what things meant. People not only treated me differently, but I was not so quick any more to assume the worst. I had a watered down understanding of other people's shallow assessments. On the one hand I could be angry that my changing of my outer shell somehow made it ok to be given positive attention, but didn't I just work hard for a year and a half to become this person- didn't I on some level now respect myself now more for being thin? I was now the prey and preditor of my own self image.   If it makes any of you feel better- I don't have any more friends or receive any more positive feedback on myself now that I am thin. I just get hit on more and am treated like a normal person as a opposed to a person with a problem-  I'm pittied less.  Somehow I think the topic of being the crazy new girl needing help in LA is related to being the crazy new thin person in NYC.  Both times were equally trying but in different ways. Perhaps I am more prepared for this because of the prior experience. Perhaps I will always know that nothing is ever as it seems because of the prior experience and in someways know that for every cocky congradulatory veneer I come across here- that it is just a suit of armor to protect themselves from the preditory nature of schmoozing. Writers especially. I don't know.  Certainly its a joyous anthropological adventure worth  having. The fact that even in the worst moments i can think that tells me that this is still a 5 but not a 3- and that is good!

Celebrity Sightings to date:

Vannessa Williams- riding an elevator with me on her way up to see a flick at Grauman's Chinese theater.

Mathew Lillard ( aka the other Villain that was not Skeet Ulrich in Scream) at a club in Glendale! (aka the Staten Island or Bay Ridge of LA)  - oh and I was there because I am nice and my friend was DJing and I am supportive so don't give me no lip!

Ben Stiller- He had just arrived jogging to the top of Runyon Canyon- my friend noted that he was looking about to see who noticed him- he is the stockiest guy I have ever seen- just a short little bag of muscles and his jaw is so hardened it looks like its going to pop. I can't tell you enough how Ben Stiller he was! Massively Sweating and out of breath. Loved it!

Samantha Mathis scurrying by me in a mall in Century City. She is so purrrrrrrdy.

My Star Crush-  In the lane next to me in his baby blue prius looking very scruffy (prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)  and hip.  He is so tall his head hit the top of his little Ecologically correct car. My heart skipped a beat!   I need to go now and think about him...

Its raining in LA

This image was taken by Blake Harjes
I don't know him- but i liked his photo.

It's cold and rainy. Its been so rainy that my heater has been on full blast, my windows shut tight and my down comforter and two other blankets placed over me at night! This has been my entre to living in LA. The rain started the first night I finally could sleep in my place, an exact week after my belongings were supposed to have arrived. This set a whole circus of activities in motion that I can only describe as the trials and tribulations of cleaning out my bad Karma. 
When I got to LA it was sunny. It was beautiful.  My nervous and well intended mom spent the first four days with me in a swanky hotel in the middle of Hollywood. She remarked continually how she loves winter and how I would miss NYC seasons badly. Our first night we saw Vanessa Williams.  Funny, I thought, everything is happening in such a cliche way; celeb sighting, hotel in the middle of LA's answer to TIME SQUARE, Hollywood sign outside my window...blah blah. I readied myself for the next four days to do nothing but find a car and assuage my mom's fears. She was worried and throaty the whole four days.  The day after I arrived my stomach woes turned on me. I had to get a prescription for a med that has Phenyl barbitol in it just to be able to stand up straight- not to worry I thought- growing pains. And so I trudged through the stress without any coffee, wine, nicotine, spice, or any of my usual delights. By Tues I leased a car.  A brand new baby blue Prius.  It was my very first new car. Sure I have "had" a car before, but they were owned  by my dad and usually 8 to 15 yrs old depending on what point of my life I was in. Secondly they were tanks. Thirdly, they were driven around areas I knew.  This was different. This was a responsibility- a huge one, one that I swore to be mindful of and compromise my life in other ways in order to make its payments.   As it was I had figured out that what this whole move has become is a forced retreat. I am in voluntary detainment in LA.  I can count on my hands the number of people I know and 4 of them are two couples who live outside of LA. I knew coming into this that I would have nothing to entertain me but my writing and my DVDs which sadly the DVDs did not make it on to the moving truck by mistake and lie lonely in my parent's garage.   So after saying goodbye to my mom I drove off into the sunset excited for my new life. I had to stay in the valley where I slept in my kind friend's spare room. I had a nice enough time in the Valley. Its not as awful as everyone makes it to be- but then again I am a SI girl and therefore am programmed to tolerate strip mall suburban culture.

Slowly my stomach started to heal and I thought things were looking up. Although my things were not here I managed between pangs of pain to unpack everything I did have and build a bathroom unit from target.  The next day I had a beautiful LA day planned for myself.  I intended to hike around Mollholland in a forest by George clooney's neighborhood. Afterwords with the new shower curtain I was going to buy, I was going to shower in my own place and then go over to the west side to the GROVE and the Farmer's Market.

On my way to the hike I stopped to buy the blessed curtain. As I was leaving to make a left out of the parking lot, a large SUV allowed me the right of way to make that left in front of her. As a glided into the lane in front of her, a white Nissan in the right lane swerved against the nose of my new car. Causing $7500 of damage ( as I learned later). She jumped up and down saying that it was her third accident that month and that she had just  gotten the car out of the shop and she was going to her it from her father who was her insurer.   As we waited for an hour and a half, the woman's passenger said that they should have said there were injuries so that the cops would come faster. I was on the phone with my dealer arguing because I learned that I rolled of the lot not insured for a month as I supposed I was and had requested and had written on my file when the  financing began. This was a NIGHTMARE! How would I fix my car? Was the woman going to sue me? And why all of the sudden was the passenger limping (who sat on the side of the car that was not hit) when the cops and paramedics came? And why did the paramedics come? Did she call and say there were injuries while I was on the phone trying not to cry to Toyota?

Well lets just sum this whole story up. Toyota is admitting it's their fault regarding the insurance- they are paying for everything. I had to rent a car and of course they gave me a Prius- I'm learning that my car choice, color and all, makes me a dime a dozen in this town!  Meanwhile, i got insurance aside from the dealer's and in getting it learned that my license had been revoked but I got it reinstated and thats all clear- and it was all about a late paid ticket (sigh)  The Ambulance chaser and her crew were brought to the hospital where, and I am not trying to be crude here, the cop who truly looked like Heath Ledger in monster's ball, followed along and made sure that X-RAYS and reports were written assuring that all this in his words "bogus limping" would be cleared and that i would be OK. My stuff came on Weds. They charged me an extra $100 bucks for living on the third floor. So I told them I had no money and could not tip them if they charged me for that even though they were a week late. But they had my stuff and it started to rain like g-d was angry! So I gave them the fee and tipped them minimally and called it day.

So here I am. Today I decided to take a walk in the rain. I found out that right across the street from my nearest corner is an amazing Armenian grocery store with all sorts of fresh  produce, meats, spices, and chocolate for me to buy at a VERY cheap price. I walked by a bunch of highly suspect Thai Massage salons where I suspect a little rub and tug goes on. I live in little Armenia but in little Armenia is THAI Town. So there are all sorts of Asian markets and cafes. They are all a little grungy and I am the only weirdo walking around from Plaza to plaza sussing the scene out. As I passed by one I read a large sign that said "this facility has a grade C by the health inspector and has only passed 75% of the testing provided for your safety." BUT THE PLACE WAS OPEN???? And there was business! I walked away cracking up and hearing Cartmen from South Park sing "In the Ghetto"

I'm completely excited like some nerd about to go out with the cool kids for the first time as my friend invited me to come see a band at The Derby and we are going to a lounge/restaurant that I suggested called Cobras and Matadors right by my house beforehand. I am not driving. I am going to get hammered! Secondly, I felt like an LAist as I called ahead and had a lovely conversation with the manager getting us a table on a Friday. I'm learning- everything here takes precision, timing and planning. There are no happy accidents, only rueful collisions in the Valley. There have been little lights along the way this week that have really kept me going. The Auto body shop is family owned and loves me and got me a free rental car.  My friends in Pasadena have completely let me live off of them for days.  The building manager is my age and new in town and has been a total resource. My Dad's and my sister's voice always reassuring.  I think I'm gonna be just fine. So if you were worried- don't be.  After all, I am here to write and grow up- and what better fodder for that than this week? right?

I love you and miss you NYC- as soon as I find the stupid cord I will post pics from my lovely goodbye drinks!

The Dalai Lama and the Staircase guru

Today I walked into my apartment to find two things in the downstairs stairwell

1. A little pink button that read "my imaginary boyfriend loves me!"
[And you know what? he really does!] 

2. A postcard from a friend in India that has the Dalai Lama's famous poem:

The Paradox Of Our Age
We have bigger houses
but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense;
more knowledge but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness.
we’ve been all the way to
the moon and back, but have trouble
crossing the street to meet
the new neighbour.
We built more computers to hold more
copies than ever,
but have less communication;
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods
but slow digestion;
tall man but short characters;
steep profits but shallow relationships.
It’s a time when there is much in window
But nothing in the room.
His Holiness the 14^th Dalai Lama.

I wrote my friend immediately to thank her for her message all the way from Kangra India where she is building houses for Tibetan Refugees!  I told her how this morning when I woke up the Dancing shiva mandala that had been hanging over my bedroom archway for two yrs had finally fallen and I slipped on its shiny coated surface as I awoke this morning. When I landed I found a small piece of paper I wrote to myself that had travelled its way to the safe dark hallows of the dust bunny land under my bed: it read stop being the "yes...but" girl and no longer look gift horses in the mouth.  My LPP called me the "yes...but girl once because I could take anything that happened to me, of my own action or simply fortuitously and rationalize its goodness away.  Therefore I was looking at the gift horses of my life in the mouth- tearing down their legitimacy until they no longer could exist. I had landed on my chin and it hurt so bad I really wanted to cry! I thought about who the girl was that bought the mandala in a market for mere pennies in Mumbai (Bombay) so many yrs ago.  When I left the house to run errands I felt strange- somewhat euphoric and panicked- I knew my time at floundering was up and I was swept with such a wave of profound relief and fear that I could not look anyone in the eye for fear they might think I was crazy. I imagined that my mouth was grinning but that my eyes were glazed. I felt sad that I had not the werewithal to have gone to Kangra to build houses or anything anymore for that matter. I  admit it- I have been in remision in my life for quite a while now. I made some calls. Sent some resumes and typed some transcripts for money.  Time is changing finally - I can crawl out of the vacuum now- and the only thing I can say is - without anything really to tanglibly say thanks for is- Thank You Universe.

Thats all I can share with you without connectiing the dots- just that somedays - signs find you.  Today I found three.

Tiny Bubbles

That song is in my head. I was going to write "Tiny updates"
1. I miss my friend Humdrum- I can't remember the last time I went this long without any email,gchat, phonecalls, txts, her presence- she is away for a couple of weeks at a family event- good for her! Atleast she just updated her blog.
2. I am going to a Knife Skills class at this cool super punk rock kitchen store in Williamsburg tonight- I am excited
3. I signed up to do volunteer work for NYCares- I have an orientation tomorrow. I am equally excited because there is this all summer long sunday community garden thing with kids in the bronx- AND you can also go with JHS kids to learn Salsa and Merenge- who better to make an ass out of myself for than preteens!!!?
4. I wrote a craigslist and have received 100s and 100s of responses. Its weird- I must have touched a nerve in what I wrote because it was more of a one paragraph diatribe on online dating and nYC then it was asknig for a date- but people responded with the nicest letters. AND then there were the perves who sent me pics of their penises with no words!!!!! JERKS.   
4. Still not feeling so great  but chugging through- thank you TVperry for always showing up the minute the blues kick in! I heart you.
5.  The book with my poem in it arrived- strangly I am on page one- it's kinda of a bullshit book but...I am ok with that and I liked the other poems a lot- not done yet but it was a nice little something!
6. I had to write a bio for my friend's company- it was really hard!!!!!!!!
7. I'm deleting the post below.

Many Rivers to Cross, but I can't seem to find my way over.

I am trying to write a really personal screenplay right now and what's coming up for me is not  any particular issue with my private issues on the page. Instead it's more that I am coming face to face with the lack of acuity I have regarding structure. On some level my five years of schooling and the piece of paper I have that claims I know what I am doing has it's legitimacy.  I spoke a couple of weeks ago to a bunch of teenage film makers and I work shopped with them and I loved it and I knew that I know what I am talking about. But on another real level I am so clearly seeing the places along my path that I did not work hard enough on or pay attention to. I see the moments that I did not value enough as an opportunity to get better and grow.  I hate to quote Ani Defranco (seriously!) but there is a great line - its more about love but here it is :

"I have to suck it up and savor the taste of my own behavior
I am spinning with longing, faster than a roulette wheel
this is not who I meant to be this not how I meant to feel"

I signed up to be on a CU alum listing and as a result my in-box is being flooded with emails about the success of others.  I am not so much jealous of their success as I am in remembering their devotion. The way they took themselves so seriously, their discipline.  In particular, one ex friend is hitting "it" I am genuinely proud of him. I remember when we started to part as friends part of the reason that I thought perhaps we were parting was that I was not on par with him artistically. I was not a rock star in school- I blew up and then blew out quickly. In a way- I know that he saw my insecurity and lack of focus as a poison to his tightly constructed portal to success.  What happened to me that I figured it was OK to get so distracted and squander my own time? How do I reconcile that? How do I continue to sit in my chair and write, stepping over boulders of amateurism that should have been conquered a long time ago.  How do I feel OK with doing now- mentally- what I should have done a long time ago? If I had just gotten through the awfulness of committing enough bad writing to the page - I might be at the point now where the writing is better. But I stunted my growth and got lost in my humongous ego.  And in a way- thats what this screenplay is about- it's about not getting lost and how when you go too far to where you think the grass is greener you loose your own lawn (sorry for the glib metaphor) and you can't go back.

However, I guess I am going back- because I am doing it all now! But damn it hurts my ego.

Last night my dad made a crack about cleaning up my old room - IE- better get a job soon cause I ain't paying your rent when the unemployment and the tax $$$ runs out.   

The clock is ticking. I have three gray hairs now. I think I see wrinkles under my eyes. I have saddle bags on my hips. I can't seem to loose weight like I could. Time is running and I don't mind admitting that I am scared and hurt. I want to be happy now while I am young- not when I am too damn old to enjoy it.

Yet right now I feel better than I have in a long time. Perhaps it is because I am dealing. I am sans guilt. I am not running from my worst fears. 

Anyhow if you are an artist- I just thought that I would share just  a few more thoughts and please write me back if you have any.
I was feeling like my work was getting dangerously close to reiteration of the facts instead of a fictional exploration- a story! So I googled the name I gave my main character. It was such a good idea!!!!!! Do it. You find personal histories to real people with your main character's name.  It really helps.

Another thing that has really been helping me is that my friend Gabe is being such a tremendous friend- he calls and writes me more than my mother ( and if you know my mother you know thats A LOT) and he constantly offers himself as a reader, and adviser and simply a friend who pushes me. I genuinely feel like there is someone out there who personally has a stake in my writing something I believe in and making a living off of it. Get your self a NAG!  ( I meant that lovingly Gabe!)

Thirdly, find your cafe! I finally found a place thats quiet and feasible to write in. Its practically a mac ad inside there- its a 5 minute walk from my apartment and you DO NOT disturb the others. I can not write in my apartment! Its impossible. I end up taking naps instead- my brain just does not want to sit there. If my old laptop died- I would be in big trouble!

Finally- there is this book:

Developing Story Idea by Michael Rabiger
It's really really really really f'ing helpful! I would suggest it for all types of writing. Its way more helpful than Bird by Bird, or On Writing or the 3am epiphany. I don't know why- but this book is saving my life ( sorry A.M. Holmes)

I am giddy

My cuccino is coming from Rome on Monday and my place is a mental patient's disaster area. I decided that since somehow it always falls on the poorest person with tiniest space to host ma famiglia every single time that I was entitled to a cleaning service.  They are called complete impressions. The clean EVERYTHING- windows, appliances, they organize, they take five hours to clean your whole place for $80 bucks. I am going to solicit donations from the other beebs' since baby cuccinos never fall on their laps.

I am so damn excited - I am down right giddy- now I really need a new job as this may need to  become a two week thing!

5 Question interview numero tres

Last ones- these are from Tucker.

1.  What movie has been the most influential to you and why?

Hmmmmmmmmmm- thats really tough.  Before I ever knew I wanted to be a film maker or even a creator of anything - I was heavily influenced by films like Cinema Paridiso and Au Revoir Les Enfants. I liked knowing more about Europe during WWII because it helped me understand my mother and it made me feel unique from all the other kids. I also loved all those cheesy kitchen Italian Sophia Loren and Giancarlo Giannini films. I knew they were bad but I l loved the emotional tones of those films.   

But I think the films that made me want to tell my story would be Blue in the Face and Smoke and finally High Art.  I feel like there is a piece of me on the screen when I watch those films and I just love them- I can't really intellectualize it any further. I mean I loved all the masters too- but no Hitchcock film ever gave me a hard on for art. I guess I am just in love with quirky New York Stories.

Oh and lemme just give that shout out to John Hughes- you da man!!!!! You helped me through puberty!

2.  Do you ever wish you had a brother?

YES!!!! I did when I was younger- but I wished that I had an older brother- older than my sister so that someone else was the boss!  I thought that a boy would have made my parents less sheltering because he would have challenged them more. Also I felt like Sanj and I needed more masculine influences in the house. When I got to HS- all the girls with older brothers flirted with the older grades because they knew them.  But then I saw how mean the older brothers were and I was thankful. I have not wished that since. I am actually pretty glad that I grew up with a sister. It has made me totally un-shy around other girls and more open with my feelings. Also I am a good sharer- I think sisters are better at that than brothers. However you are a good sharer and un-shy too- I guess Gregory was the exception!

3.  Where is the next place you want to travel to? Hawaii with you???? Tee hee

1. Vietnam/Laos and Thailand! Its cheap, its beautiful and I can learn new cooking and massage skills. 

2. Brazil!!!!!!

4.  Whose career do you wish you had and why?

(Our friend who is making that feature!)

Either Mira Nair or Miranda July.  They both seem to really know who they are and it shows in their art. I don't think they are necessarily the best film makers but I have decided that any woman who makes it in this biz must be a f-ing genius!

5.  Name a CD you own that you are a bit ashamed of.

I never listen to uncool music HAHAHA..Either Billy Joel -Songs in the Attic or The Indigo Girls- both are good musicians but TOTALLY SAPPY ( I won't even link them!)

5 Question interview numero due

Ms Spoke in the Wheel gave me these questions.  Good ones!

The Rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.” I respond by asking you five personal questions (I will leave these questions for you in my comments) so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! You WILL update your journal/bloggy thing/whatever with the answers to the questions (please don't leave your answers in my comments unless you don't have a blog). You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. How did you like your brunch this morning? *tee hee*

( I must give you a long answer to  this one)
HA! Brunch was great and sired a very interesting day: meeting you and the Rover in person made me feel like such a hip 21st century gal. PLUS I  have never met L-Britt's man TM in person. I did not really get a chance to chat with him at all. So I have no idea what this person who has moved in with my friend is like AT ALL. I guess I just have to trust her judgment! =)  He seemed sweet and attentative.

I have to say that I think we were a highly attractive table with a lot of different impressive and intriguing histories to bring to the mix. I am also glad that the Rover knows a friend of the waiter. Rover- I am a little smitten with him- can you fix that up? Thanks!

More on brunch_ I sat across from a sweet friend of L-britt's who just made his first short film, with only some theater training prior to the event. He was such a positive and open individual and it put me to shame. I don't know why I still have not made a short, nor why is seems harder to do than walking on water. My time spent with him reminded me that I have some fears and regrets that I must put in check and move on and move forward.

After I left you all I spent the day walking around Park Slope. I walked the entire Prospect Park loop twice, I hit the entire Park Slope Zoo and then sat in a cute bookshop that Paul Auster frequents because he lives next door. I bought a book that is SUCH research for the screenplay that I am entering for the fellowship. Then I visited a friend in her video store and watched bits of old films while chatting up with the costumers. Part of me loves working in service. I fantasized about working in the video shop in Park Slope one day a week. So that was my DAY.  Also Dizzy's was yummerific. Congrats Elbee on running a marathon- my knees are covetous of your knees!

2. What is the biggest challenge in your life right now?
The biggest challenge in my life is changing my inner tune. Tantamount to that is forgiving myself for never making a short film in film school. As a result I never felt I had a reel that could  get me a great job doing what I really want to do. Also- I have yet to really rip that band-aid off and just make the bad short and feel proud of it in spite of whatever it looks like. I feel ashamed of this fact and it slowly has been weakening me. I am just not playing that game anymore- its the only task I feel needs to be given any energy. Thats why JOB SCHMOB. I feel like maybe I should cocktail waitress - make a "living" and become militant about working on my art. I may sound little like a broken record- but this is a wound that needs to healed.

3. If you could have any job in the world - I mean any - what would you want it to be?

Can I name my top five?

1. Write and Direct a critically acclaimed film and Television series ( like 6 Feet Under)
2. Be a world renowned celloist- who has a rock band as well as plays the classical circuit.  I think the cello is hot!
3. Be a health and travel journalist - I  want to be "working" on a beach on the maldives tired only from hiking and yoga (and drinking froofy drinks)
4. Run a free clinic/retreat center for obese teenage girls that would have nutritional, physical and psychological services that included experimental, holistic and artistic therapies.
5. Be an architect ( ALWAYS!!!- but no drawing talent what so ever)

4. Of all the things you're proud of, what is the thing that stands out in your mind?
Well not sure if you mean what part of my personality or what have I done. I am proud of having gone to Columbia and having won a scholarship to go for the first year. I hold on to this for affirmation when I am writing and I am trying to remember why I thought I ever could be a screenwriter.  I am proud of the job I did producing for other people- for no money and no experience when I look at these films- I think they are amazing!

As far as who I am, honestly, I am just proud of the friend and human I grew up to be. I  feel whether you are my best friend or a complete stranger I can find something scintellating to discuss and I can continue these conversations with sincerity, warmth and curiousity and support. I am inter-personally fearless and sometimes this gets me into trouble but overall I just think this means that I get to meet a lot of cool and unique peeps and have really meaningful interactions everyday. Now the codicil to this all is that when I am told I have to schmooze someone at a party and they point to them and say- that person is good contact for you- I lose my abiities because that inorganic and I am just not good at schmoozing.

5. What article of clothing in your wardrobe makes you feel the sexiest?
Best question ever! It's new- Its a navy blue dress with white polka dots- it has pockets and comes out like a 1950s Marilyn Monroe dress: low plunged neck line and twirly A-line cut.  The material is this soft crinkly cotten with tiny embroidery that one can feel and only see when looking really close. I wore it with red patented leather sling back heels and I felt like I was the sexiest and most refined woman in the world.  On top of that- I have this Betsy Johnson  bra and pantie set- can never wrong with matching black and pink lace! NEVER- I feel hot even if I am wearing it under sweatpants!

Thank You Spoke in the Wheel - I enjoyed these- but part of this is so annoying to me because I want these answers to change- be patient with me people.

Now TUCKER- answer mine and give me some and let's be done with this whole thang!