Danielle Speaks

Ok its time...

So I was fired about two weeks ago. It was most definitely not a shock. It was the most mutual of break ups one could ever experience. My manager started to tear as it was time for him to tell me and I saved him from speaking the words. I told him that I knew what was coming and that it was great news, that it was time this bad saga ended and that I was excited to do something with my life where I was respected, appreciated and in an environment conducive to what I do well.

What I do well. Thats the big question. Its now been a week since I have been home. On top of the regular discontentment of the event- i ended up having a terrible cough and cold. Every day my body would expel noxious poison. I envisioned my first week "off" as a celebration of the daytime:  10am yoga, tea and healthy breakfast in my sparklingly clean apartment, followed by several hours of brilliant writing sired by the peace of mind I finally must have obtained by being freed of the viacom shackles that were binding my soul. Then of course a  bundled up afternoon walk where in a Mary Tyler Moore frenzy I would throw my hat up in the air and pound my chest as I chanted FREE AT LAST, GOOD G-D ALMIGHTY, FREE AT LAST.
Thats not exactly how it was. I'll spare you the boring details, key word: "boring." There is all this residual emotion creeping out from underneath the surface and its not quite depressing or heavy, I am fine but this stuff begs my attention and I am frustrated because I don't have the answers. I feel as if I am back at square one. I thought by age 31 I would not have to ask my self what I wanted to be when I grow up. But the question still stands and bills need to be paid, the batons of security: savings, pensions, health insurance, all cry for my attention and my brain most of all needs a plan. I will just admit that aside from a few money making ideas I have none.

Here is what I do know. I don't want to work in an office. I don't want to climb the ranks. I don't want to do any job where the most important trait to survive is organization- I am not management freak. I don't want to really be anyone else's boss. I want to work for myself. I want to work on something, I want to watch it grow, change, get better or move on.  To some degree I realize that I will have to deal with some or all of these elements but if I consciously chose not to, perhaps I can evade some of them. Thats all for now. Happy Friday people- I think this might be a sunny weekend!

I am so embarressed

But I think little Harry Potter is all growns up and HOT. Daniel Radcliffe is in a revival of the highly scandelous Equuis- which killed me the first time I saw it- but I may have to see it again anyway if it comes to NYC- or perhaps make a special visit to the west end of London!

Potter- have you been messing with those steroid herbs again?

This is definately not Hermione!

This is the one that made me feel dirty! He is definately working out! I wonder if he was this good looking by the time he show the newest Potter film. Lets hope so. Anyhow- I am disgusting because he does not turn 18 for another 187 days ( thanks to MC for the countdown!)

Strange Question Survey

Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?

Weirdly I think I have!

What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?

5 yrs.

Ever been in a car wreck?:

Thankfully never a wreck but most certainly some accidents- I was never a very good driver.

Were you popular in high school?

I was never part of the "popular" crowd, but I had a  lot friends in all different crowds.

Have you ever been on a blind date?

Well no one has ever set me up and then I meet the person by myself but I have gone to hang out with a friend and their proposed possibility. I have been on internet dates- but thats not really blind.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?

The oldest friends I have, I have known since age 14.

By what age would you like to be married?

Oh dios mio! Well if I met someone now it would have to be atleast 2 yrs minimum to hang- so realistically I would like to be married by 33. Since I am not dating anyone that does not sound so realistic huh? better get on that date profile!

Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?

No, unless I'm sleeping with them and have to worry about diseases and such.

Have you ever made a mistake?

Never. Not even one mistake in my entire life...

Are you a good tipper?

I am an excellent tipper and I detest cheap people!

What's the most you have spent for a haircut?

$75 but I smartened up and found my special deal now its only $35

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

Twice. Once it was purely fun because he was so much older and my roomie and I just adored him. Creepily I think he might have taken our advances if pushed (gross!) The second time I was deranged- he was mos def gay!

Have you ever peed in public?

Funny! Well yes in the woods! And when I workedas a PA, my friend Wendy and I would have the crew car for the night and I would crash at her apartment all the way up on 135th- anyhow late at night sometimes we just could not make it- we'd pull over in some empty street in soho and pee behind the door- I think I am too old to do that  anymore.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

I can't answer that! Besides it not up to me now is it?

Would you tell your parents if you were gay?

Of course I would. They would NOT be happy! But they would deal.

Beatles or Stones?

Beatles.  No question.

If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?

No one- even the worst people on earth are not up for me to decide their fates. (but if I could joke about this Paris Hilton)

Beer, wine or hard liquor?

Almost always wine but everything has its place

Do you have any phobias?

Hmmm- I don't know. One time I got trapped on a train in France- I think I might be slightly claustrophopic- but isn't everyone?  Oh I am really afraid of drowning and/or being eaten by a shark! Going back to who I would pick to die...? ALL SHARKS!

What are your plans for the future?

Looking into some new things so I can't quite discuss that yet.

Do you walk around the house naked?

Constantly :^)!!!!!!(yes I live by myself!)

If you were an animal what would you be?

I'd probably be a purpoise- I use to dream about them all the time- so peaceful and I love the sounds tehy make!

Hair color you like on someone you're dating?

Dark- no question!!!!!

Would you rather be blind or deaf?:

Deaf! I can't imagine not seeing the world. I know it would suck not to hear music but you could feel at least.

Do you have any special talents?

I can do a lot of fancy Yoga arm balances. I am fairly versed in adult playtime =) I am pretty intuitive regarding people and am really handy at quick fixx art directing- still trying to figure out what my real special talents are.


What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?:

Feed my cats.

Do you like horror or comedy?

I like when movies are funny but not necessarily under the genre of comedy. I don't care about horror. So I guess I like Indie Comedy.

Are you missing anyone?

I miss my friend Elsie? And now that I mentioned it-I miss my old buddy Wendy!

If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do?

This is a dumb question. I am staright so I don't have an answer. If I had to pull a name out of the box maybe Uma Thurman! She's purdy.

Who is the person you can count on the most?

My mom!Maura and Angela- hope they don't mind and I hope they feel its reciprocal. (side note- someone answered "myself"- great answer!)

If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?

Mark Ruffalo- because I know he would be a good to me. I can't say Joaquin because I know he would drive me nuts. 

What did you dream last night?

I can't remember I was on cold meds

What is your favorite sport to watch?

I get bored watching sports- just not my thang!

Are you named after anyone?

My first name in English: Danielle is after my mom's roomate in France when she was in college. My middle name: Liza is a reference to my Hebrew name Eliajah Nechama which is named after my Grandfather Louis or Lieza Mendal.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?:

Red Wine J'Aime Vin!

Non alcoholic drink?

lately: Darjeeling Tea

Have you ever been in love?

Yes, but never mutual (oh I know- cry me a river!)

Do you sing in the shower?:

Nope

Have you ever been arrested?:

No, but I've been "warned"

What is your favorite Holiday?

The Automne Equinox (my bday)  and the Winter Solstice (one of my BFF's anual parties.)

Would you ever get plastic surgery?

Yup- I have already.

Have you ever caught a fish?

Nope. (this is the last question?)

A Random Assortment

So F'en Cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just can't lie! It's sort of amazing how something so innocent and beautiful and delicate can come out of such a heavy handed, twisted and seemingly fabricated union. Ah well maybe this little love nugget will breed some honesty into this weird weird weird situation. Congratulations TOMCAT- you make a good baby!

Kinda not cute!

I am not defending Pervs or anything but what this guy did is truly wrong This is from http://www.boingboing.net/2006/09/10/the_seattle_craigsli.html:

Last Monday Seattle resident Jason Fortuny [Ed. Note: pictured at left] (and a friend) carried out a thought experiment into reality -- one I think anyone who has surfed Craigslist sex ads has entertained. He took a hardcore Women Seeking Men ad from another city and reposted it to see how many replies he could get in 24 hours (the ad's photo at right). Then he published every single response -- photos, emails, IM info, phone numbers, names, everything, to a public wiki (Encyclopedia Dramatica -- site is up and down, check back if down). Then they went public on Jason's LiveJournal page calling it The Craigslist Experiment, inviting readers to identify the CL ad's responders and add more info ("Your Goal: identify people you know IRL and point them out. We've already had great successes here.") It has turned into quite a meme, getting posted all over the place.

(...) They got 178 responses, with 145 photos of men -- cocks, faces, more; full email addresses (both personal and business addresses), names, and a few IM names and phone numbers. One respondent used a Microsoft employee email address, another used a usar.army.mil (military) email address. They got audio. Since then Jason has had *his* private info published to CL and been threatened physically, threatened with lawsuits, and has been hated on by everyone from online BDSM communities to Wired (and I saw he was interviewed by the NY Times on friday Sept. 8, so I wonder what position they'll take on all of this). Wired called him "sociopathic" while commenters are saying things like "Disclosing an email to the public is indeed a violation of privacy, and if anyone has a spine, they will take you down with a massive lawsuit that will make you regret ever doing this. You are a liar, a xenophobe, an asshole, and deserve to have your ass beaten to within an inch of your life."

Questions

1. Why do we need two 500 lb bombs to kill two men?
2. Does the cervical cancer vaccine prevent all cervical cancer or just the kind caused by HPV
3. What % of women have HPV because I would say about %35 percent of my friends do- thats high.
4. Why do they say that cervical cancer is largely a disease of the poor and yet the second largest killer of women????
5. Why has the UN never sucessfully defined the word "terror"
6. Is it OK to rename my cats Brussel and Sprout? Just asking
7. Can an ideology have a leader? Cause Bushey just said that "we" have sucessfully "eliminated an ideology's leader."
8. Will this F'en rain ever ever ever ever stop. Why don't I just live in Seattle?
9. Is there anything else in the news- and will some pro-life legislature be passed today while we're being blind sided by Al-Zarqawi.
10. Did you all know that they are killing Falafal vendors in Iraq because they are claiming that there was no falafel around in the time of the prophet? Apparently the same plight is occuring with Ice venders(London Telegraph) One vendor said in lieu of the threat to his life, "they were no Kaloshnikovs (rifle used by militants) in the time of the prophet either!" But he did not want to lose his life.

True Story

This really happened! Certain details have been changed to protect the storyteller and her one night stand's identity. So Jane met Jon on a Thurs night. They went on an incidental double date with his friend Joe and her friend Tallulah bell. After much booze and laughter Jane had her fill and needed to go home to rest, pack, and leave for Connecticut the next day. When she passed Tallulah and Jim they were happily canoodling in a corner. She waved towards them and proceeded to exit. On her way out she saw Jon- upon her informing him of her imminent exit he asked her if he could join her at home. Jane thought, "why not? Its been a while and I have not been feeling so hot to trot lately- why not let this guy serve me all night?" And so they left the bar- together.  They spent the whole night together. He was quirky. He was attentive and asked before doing everything. She began to see his weird word usage and propensity for dropping the ball in her court as his "thing" and liked him for it.  Jon was on his way out of NYC.  He mentioned quite possibly moving to Portland Oregon for another girl. The future for these two was a flash in the pan and neither of the two minded. Still it was fun and Jon asked for Jane's number the next day after thanking her profusely for an incredible night. Now the following is a mobile txt exchange that occurred starting that first evening after their romp and continued on through Monday, memorial day. Read on and have a good laugh:

strange new number pops up on Jane's mobile on Friday night hours after she and Jon kiss goodbye she presumes it's him:

Stranger: how u feel after the sess?

Jane: sleepy and good. How do you feel?

Jon:  amazing as usual. when u wanna see me again?

Jane: (thinking his use of the word "usual" must be implying that he always feels great after sex) Sunday Night Maybe?

Jon:  Where?

Jane: I don't know I have to call you when I get back in. Cool?

Jon: yea

Jane: Good. Until then...

Saturday Night: (Jane is drunk off of sharing many bottles of wine with family.)

Jon: what u up 2 2nite?

Jane: Away with family.

Sunday Night: Exhausted and drunk Jane arrives home to find her best friend. Deciding that quality time with old friends is more important than sex (no matter how refueling it can be.) and knowing that she could not kick her to the curb for a visit from  the "plumber" which is what she and her friend were calling him because of his txting language- she writes to "Jon"

Jane: Just got home

Jon: where is home?

Jane: Williamsburg Silly? But my friend is crashing in my place. This bummed me out cause i was craving a session with you. Where r u?

Jon: in grnpt (greenpoint)

Jane: Where at?

Jon: cocos

Jane: Whats that?

Jon: a bar. when u want a sess?

Jane takes a big bold breath and decides to be tawdry. after she is drunk and giddy and its only her friend on the couch to witness. They giggle.

Jane:Tomorrow. You - me - my bed! How's that sound?

Jon: yes def

Jane: Good Man

Jon: tell me what u want first.

Jane: What do you mean?

Jane falls asleep. She may be single but her life is real exciting.

The next day

Jon: Sorry. Fell Asleep. Meant what u want 2 do 2 me 1st?

Jon:  Hey, Need 2 ask u a question

Jane: Whats the question?

Jon: describe what I look like

Jane: Tall Blond Shaggy hair, Big green eyes.  Southern Drawl.  :)

Jane: Do you think that I don't remember you?

Jon: Just describe me

Jane: I just did!

Jane: I forgot to say hot.

???: haha hate 2 tell u, u got the wrong guy

Jane's friend assures her that she must be getting a cruel run around and that this is surely her young buck from several days ago- but it serves her right! Neither of them know him well enough to truly figure this out.

Jane: Who is this?

Jane: R U not Jon?

Jane: Well?????

???: no IM not

Jane: Who R U?????

Jane: !!!

Jane: Stop fucking with me please.

Rocco: Rocco. Yer trainer at the gym.

An image of a steroidal  tattoo sleeved sweaty heavy breathing Vinny bag-o-donuts who wears parachute pants and skimpy Guinea tees flashed before her eyes. her stomach sunk. Not only did she just exchange intimacies with a "Jooch" but she had exchanged nothing with her young buck. No refueling tonight. Worse she almost invited guido to her house!!!!!!

Jane: HAHAHA why were you txting me? I have not worked with u in months.

Rocco: thought you were someone else

Jane: Apparently I did to. later!

Well the lesson here kids is KNOW WHO YOU ARE TXTing WITH!!!!! Jane and her friend laughed their asses off but felt that panic regarding the almost invited large muscle-head to her house.  She may never return to that gym again.  Or just laugh it off when she sees him.  Jon called her that night:

Jon: Hey Jane whats up?

Jane: who is this????

Jon: It's Jon Baby!

Jane: Jon who?

After all - you just can't take any chances in a city like this!

Just plain awesome

Thanks TVP!!!!

Thank You Miss

So i just got mugged 20 minutes ago. No seriously I did. It all seems so surreal to me as I sit here in front of my expensive computer typing away.  I was coming back from Yoga and I had a yoga back on my back(strike one) I was wearing an exceptionally cute and hipstery jacket that perhaps drew more attention to me (strike two) I was walking down North 6th between Roebling and Havemeyer. I can't even tell you if the streets were empty. ( they are usually not and I think there were people) I can't tell you whether it was totally dark yet.  This whole thing was so calm and silent that anyone across the street or down the street might have seen us and not known that anything not kosher was occurring. All I know is that I had my huge headphones on (strike three) and I was listening to of all things- Kanye West.  I remember that I was writing a movie in my head where I was in it and I was involved in some drug scam to make money.  I was imagining a montage where we were packaging the goods in this really clever way- inside of plastic jewelry that sells in our little boutiques and that's how we really make money. Anyhow all of the sudden this kid slides in front of me. I could not hear what he said.  He had a dark camouflage coat on with the hood pulled up and a black dew rag in front of his entire face- so he looked like "the scream" with his head blacked out.  He mumbled, I took off my headphones and said, "what?" - almost laughingly because I thought maybe it was one my friends playing a joke. He was so skinny and young sounding. "Give me the ipod and no one gets hurt!" To which I replied, " are you kidding me? What are you..." he put his hand in his pocket, and I shut the fuck up and gave him the IPOD. I remembered that stupid girl in the L.E.S. and I did not want to be her - but now I can understand the inclination to ask: here is a skinny kid no more than 16, slight in stature asking me for my ipod. I don't know that anything is in his pocket. His face covering, although good costuming for the role, is the only signifier in the event to represent danger. It all seemed like a mock version of reality. Still he could have had anything in his pocket and could be too young and caught up in the moment to even know the ramifications of his actions. It's just a fucking IPOD! So there went $300. He took my ipod and then as an afterthought-  my watch.  As if he saw me switch pockets found a dew rag in his pocket and decided, " hey I want that- lemme go rob that chick." He did not take my wallet, phone- nothing.  He seemed so innocent. I felt like his mother and I wanted to ask him why he was doing this.
When I handed him the ipod, he said calmly and almost in a relieved fashion- "thank you miss!" I continued to walk home. I was slightly frightened on the inside of everything and everyone. What could happen to me next? Even worse, all of the faces I saw towards the end of my walk were brown and tan and so they experienced my facial expressions post mugging and then I felt like a fucking racist! Great- thanks kid!!! I even had a moment where I felt I was being punished for being one of the white gentrifiers who moved into the neighborhood and helped raise the cost of living. But then I remembered that my friend who is black was mugged as well around here and I quickly relaized it was not about politics- it was just a dumb kid who wanted either an ipod or the monitary value of it- or maybe even the thrill of the hunt. But dammit I really liked my watch too- how will I tell my Dad who gave it to me as a gift???? For some reason I don't even remember the pointing to my watch and the hand off- I just remember relenting and giving him MY ipod. Strange how the human mind works.

The sad thing is that I walk down that street almost every other day. Three of my friends live right by the juncture.  This kid took more than my ipod, he took my comfort. I actually pondered my own mortality for a split second and that's not OK! I was unbelievably calm when it happened- I even laughed it off. I only hope he keeps the Ipod and does not sell it and try this gag again.

(BTW the strikes are a ironic- I don't really think that you can't do Yoga, wear a nice jacket and wear headphones!